Well surprise...for those of you who might've guessed Milledge was the "guest" blogger, you were correct! My beautiful wife asked me if I would give a father's perspective on adoption and the wait since it is now 23 months that we have been waiting. I am Angie's husband who has chosen to stay in the shadows of the adoption world. My theory on dealing with the wait is not by blogging, joining yahoo groups and shopping for cyber showers, it is a theory of disconnection. I keep myself indulged in work and the boys and their sports to keep my mind off the wait. Angie even had to tell me that today was our 23 month LIDversary. Don't take me wrong...I am very excited about the adoption of our daughter and the process, but I deal with the wait better by being disconnected from it.
If you had told me when we first started the adoption process that I might turn 40 before we got our daughter I would have laughed in your face. Today, it seems that if things don't speed up in a big way soon, I will be over 40 by the time we get Ruthie. 40 years old with a toddler...HOLY SMOKES...how do you do that??!?!?!? It all comes down to a statement that I make to Angie quite often...This will all happen in God's time, He is never late! He obviously has a reason for us to be waiting this long...what it is, I don't have a clue, but I know that we will get a call one day that will result in a sweet picture and a referral when He is ready for us to go to China! I often tell Angie that God is trying our patience and has found that we are not patient enough yet, so we must continue to wait and learn patience. It is really hard sometimes to hear Angie and the boys talk about things that we are going to do when Ruthie gets here. When I hear them talking about her, I have to wonder how long the boys will be home with her to actually see her grow up. I remember the excitement that they had when we first talked to them about adopting a little sister...and now they rarely talk about her at all. There used to be the talk of softball in the front yard with Ruthie, teaching her to hunt and fish, buying her camouflage...can you tell that Angie is out numbered at our house? Now, Jon Milledge talks about girls, baseball, girls, hanging out with his buddies, girls, cell phones, etc. Anderson talks about football, baseball, hanging out with his daddy, hunting, fishing, daddy, and collecting stuff...you name it and Anderson collects it. I just hope that they will still want to be the BEST big brothers in the world when Ruthie finally does come home!
Being the "hunter/gatherer" of the family, it is my responsibility to provide for their needs and wants. Even though I know it is not possible or realistic, it is still hard not being able to just go out, find Ruthie and bring her home for Angie and our family because we want her home so badly. Being one who likes to feel that he is in control...it is hard realizing that I am not in control of this situation. Maybe in writing this blog entry I have realized why God has us waiting...I might just need to give up on trying to control it and say God, this is in your hands, I give it all to you...when You are ready I will be right here waiting, just call me. For now, I will just have to go on enjoying being daddy to 2 wonderful boys, who are quickly becoming young men AND patiently wait to become daddy to a beautiful little girl, who will probably have me wrapped around her finger in no time at all. There is nothing I treasure more than being a daddy to my two boys and honestly, I don't know what it is going to be like to be the daddy of a little girl....but I can't wait to find out!
I want to say "Thank You" to those of you out there that through your blogs, groups, comments and phone conversations have given Angie a kind of support that I can't always give her during this process. I am here everyday with her and I do try to lend a listening ear but there is just something about the support that comes from other adoptive and waiting mothers that I can't hold a candle to and for that I will always be grateful.
I'm glad that Angie asked me to come out of the shadows and share a little on my feelings concerning adoption. Maybe she'll let me come back again sometime and talk about something that I really know about like...hunting, fishing, baseball or maybe even football...yeah right!
Milledge
Angie's husband
Jon Milledge, Anderson and Ruthie's daddy
"...choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve....But as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord." Joshua 24:15
11 comments:
Thank you, Milledge, for sharing your perspective on waiting. I think my husband shares your philosophy. Everyone has to deal with it in their own way...and no one way is right or wrong.
I totally get what you're saying about giving up control, and putting everything in God's hands. I'm a control freak :) , so it's very hard for me, too.
Thanks again!
That was great, Milledge! Nice to hear from a dad!
I never guessed it would be a dad! How cool. I think Milledge and Mark's method of dealing with the wait are identical. Since I started our blog, Mark's been saying he's gonna post. I'm still waiting... It's nice to hear from a waiting dad's perspective. Thanks Milledge, husband of Angie!
Happy Fall!
tears.rolling.down.my.face.
sweet
That was a great post Milledge! My husband has many of the same feelings you have. "God's timing is perfect." It is great to read a waiting dad's thoughts on the wait. I wish (as I am sure sometimes Angie does) that there was a way for us waiting moms to "disconnect" from the wait. It certainly would make the wait more bearable. I intend to wait with Angie and support her until little Ruthie is home! Thanks again for sharing your thoughts!
What a beautiful, heartfelt post Milledge. You write so well. Ruthie will be very blessed to have you as her daddy. I plan to be here waiting and supporting you all until you have your little girl in your arms!
Take care,
Gail
What a wonderful and heartfelt post Milledge. You hit it out of the park too. Love it, and can't wait to share this post with Larry. Of course he is going to be rooting for the hunting, fishing, sports, post to come soon too. We both are praying for a speed up, but do know it's in God's hand when he will show you Ruthie's face. Boy I can't wait for that day to come either. Your such a wonderful husband to Angie, and a great father to your boys. Ruthie will be one blessed little girl.
((HUGS))
Milledge - Blessed are the children who call you Daddy. Blessed is the wife who calls you husband. God is using this process and God is in control of how it goes down, regardless of all of that, you are submitting your will to God, that is perfect will. Ruthie will wear camo, she'll have her own fishing rod (to put with her favorite purses of course:) and that softball will get tossed. The boys will know her and love her, you and Angie will see to that. I have a nine year age gap between my brother and myself and though it has it's drawbacks, no one was ever my hero the way my big brother is...God is in the details.
Have a wonderful week and thank you for sharing.
Hugs,
Heather
Thanks for sharing your thougts on the "wait" from a Daddy perspective. My husband is alot like you in that he wants to have our daughter here now yet at the same time has been able to disconnect himself from the process. IT's tough but we will all get through it ;o)
Its nice to hear from the men in our lives.Its hard for the menfolk aswell but they deal with it in a different way.
its nice to find families who are similar to us in the world as we can only understand how we are feeling.
Thanks
That was a great post!! How you deal with the wait is very similiar to how my husband deals with it. Thanks for sharing your thoughts. Angie, you've got a great guy!
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