Here we are....2 years or 24 months later and still waiting for Ruthie. I am now very numb when I think about our adoption and Ruthie. It is almost like playing house when I was a little girl.....like it is make believe or some sort of weird fairytale that isn't ending with the traditional "happily ever after". It is like I am living a game of charades that no one can seem to find the answer to....I keep telling people we are adopting and going through the motions but there is nothing to show for it. Just for the record, I did survive the sleepover last night during which the girls wanted to see Ruthie's room. I showed it to them and they were amazed at how many clothes she already has in her closet. As I was showing them, I thought to myself...."What am I going to do with all these clothes when she never comes home?". I have decided that there are emotional steps to the adoption process just like for grief. I am now in the numb, no emotion, over it stage. I have been anxious, excited, scared, mad, thrilled, worried and now....I'm just done. I am sure all of the other emotions will come back in their due time but for now, there is nothing.
So since I am so emotionless today, I thought I would share the link to the post I did last year for our 1 year LIDiversary. It is interesting to see how much emotion was there last year and what a difference a year can make. Nothing has really changed from this post, except we are all a year older, she has more clothes in her closet(and it is actually organized now), we have added Duke to our family, and our love for her has grown even more. But we still wait for all the same reasons.
Read last years post here:
12 comments:
Angie, it just keeps getting harder, doesn't it? We will eventually get there. Congrats on making it to the 2 year mark. Glad you survived the sleep-over.
Hugs,
Terri
Hey Angie, I've been thinking about you for the last few days knowing that today was approaching. I'm sorry that I didn't call today, but I guess I just don't know what to say...I can't believe it's been 2 years for us?! I can totally relate to your post and have said the same thing myself about all of the clothes. I still believe our time is coming and I'm glad to have you so that we can support one another.
Love, Kelly
I know you had heard this a million times, but your time will come and when it does it will be right. We where left out of referrals not once but twice, didnt even travel with our group but in the end she came just when the lord was ready and Ruthie will too.
I know how you feel.Marissas clothes are in our loft and I don't buy anything for her anymore.Our boys asked "when will she arrive" and my eldest said "when I'm 14".Hes ten!!! Hes probably right!! As you have probably read I now have a part time job as I'm fed up of waiting and want to get on with my life.
If it happens,it will happen,if not,we all tried our best and in good faith.We were just unlucky that we are the last to adopt from China and yet still children suffer in orphanages to "save face".My student told me that the Govt are ashamed of foreigners adopting their children and you know what I guess this is true as humans can be very cruel at times ,so stick it out and we'll get through this together across oceans.
Life has a purpose to bring people together for the greater good.
love and hugs to you, Angie. I know exactly how you are feeling. Our 2 year LID day is coming up. I just want to cry.
You and all my November friends remain in my prayers.
I know exactly how you feel, Angie. It is interesting to read the hope and optimism at the first anniversary. I don't know if I'm really in the numb stage or just the not believing it will ever happen for me stage. Part of me wants to just give away all Amanda's stuff, and then every now and then I feel like "YES, I STILL WANT HER!" The hardest is when the kids ask how much longer. I so wish there was an answer.
Just want you to know you're not alone. You still have a lot of November friends who know what you're feeling.
I'm not going to give you the usual trite responses to having to wait a long time--I didn't like hearing them when we were waiting, and we were way back at the beginning of the slowdown when no one realized it would get this bad. Just know we are here for you if you ever need to talk or vent. (((((Hugs))))) and prayers.
Hi Angie,
I too wait, and feel numb and am frustrated, and empty....... I feel like we are failing our children; that we cannot even answer the simplest of questions...when will my sister come home? In my children's eyes I am powerless and that really stinks! So here's a hug for you, for me, and for our daughters who wait in China.
Dear Angie,
Your post breaks my heart and I'm so sorry. Sorry that you are going through this agony. I understand being numb and while you are numb I will pray for you and your baby girl. Please take care of yourself.
your friend,
Gail
Oh Angie - you made me cry. I have no words, nothing that could make the numb go away...but I do hope you know we love you and continue to pray for your WHOLE family.
Love to you
Heather
Well, here I am finally. Were you wondering when I was going to comment??? I just really didn't want to read your post this time. All I can say is I'm so very sorry Angie. I know I can't comfort that amazing mother's heart that you have for your baby girl. I'm stunned, sad, and so frustrated for you and your sweet beautiful family. BUT...it is in God's timing, and what a Joyful day it will be for all of us, when He show's you your babygirl face for the first time. Tears will be flowing here in Ky for sure!!!!
I love you girl, and your always in my prayers.
Hey, it seems like yesterday when you wrote that post last year. I can even remember our phone conversation...lol.
((((HUGS))))
Angie,
I am so sorry. I don't want to cheapen what you are going through with any words of mine... just know that I am praying and your thoughts and feelings are unique to you, but you are not alone. Hugs to you
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